


Things Have Been Crazy

by orphan_account



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Depression, Drug Addiction, Graphic Self Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Self-Harm, Social Anxiety, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, beware of triggering sTUff, idk lol, ill add more later i guess, this my children is a vent fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-20 12:17:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10662408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Evan just wanted an escape, he just wanted to stop hurting people.He should've climbed higher.Connor just wanted to get away from everything, his parents, his school, his life.He should've cut deeper.(Or, the horribly written mental hospital fic)





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hey kiddos!! This'll be pretty triggering, dont hurt yourself over a fic.  
> I'll update this a lot maybe, idk yet, its my vent fic.

One second Evan Hansen was climbing higher, higher, and higher.

The next he was bracing himself, then falling, falling, falling.

He hit the ground, his arm goes numb. 

He should've climbed higher. 

* * *

 

Connor Murphy grabbed a razor from under the sink, breaking open the top.

He started filling up the bathtub. Maybe he could die warm. 

He cut his wrists, down not across.

He should've cut deeper.

* * *

Evan was found by a park ranger, who drove the kid to the nearest hospital.

He admitted to the doctors what he had done.

After treating his arm, they admitted him to the psych ward.

Great, now he's even more crazy.

* * *

 

Connor was found by his sister Zoe, who screamed for his parents.

They called the ambulance.

It was obvious what he had done. 

Great, he failed at something else.

 

 


	2. Why am I alive?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suicide watch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mike faist could stab me and i would be honored tbh  
> also i know that when you slit your wrists you'll probably die, and overdosing is the least easy way to kill yourself, but i didnt want connor to hang himself?? bc hes my son and i dont want him to have trachea damage

"I swear, this is unethical, you can't keep me here against my will for 72 hours, I just want to go home!" 

Connor was mad. Very mad. He just wanted to go home, maybe hang himself.

He didn't know.

"I'm sorry but we have to, for your own safety." the nurse said while leaving his tiny room.

_Great, even she's sick of me._ He thought.

He sank down on the bed, laying on his back. He stared at the ceiling.

His own ceiling, at home, was covered with those glow in the dark stars.

God, he missed home.

He missed Zoe. She was probably with Alana. She was always with Alana.

He wished he could just leave this place, and be home, in his own bed, with his terrible parents.

He hated his parents.

They fought so much, they should honestly just split up.

_"Oh connor, we love each other"._ Sure, sure ya do.

He remember writing his note.

Specifically writing the sentence telling his parents this was their fault.

They must feel horrible.

Sighing, he got up and looked around his room.

He had a bed, a nightstand, a small window, and a small pile of hospital clothes. 

Apparently, he couldnt wear any of his own clothes until he was out of suicide watch.

He was stuck with these stupid hospital scrub things and they were ugly.

Connor wouldn't call himself a fashionista, but at least his clothes were better than these.

And blacker.

Definitely blacker.

Bored by the bland room, he stared out the window for a couple minutes before going to bed. 

It was 3 am, he had decided night would be the best time to slit his wrists.

His stitches itched, and he couldn't concentrate on anything, not even sleeping. 

After half an hour of tossing and turning, he fell into a fitful sleep.

* * *

Evan Hansen was not the type to fight back.

So, when the nurse brought him to his room for his 72 hour suicide watch, he was completely silent. 

When the nurse left, he could feel himself getting more and more panicked. 

He looked around for his bag, quickly realizing he didn't have it, meaning he didn't have his xanax. 

This made things so much worse. 

He felt his breathe quickening, and he squeezed his eyes shut.

He fell to the ground, pulling his knees to his chest.

_You'realonenoonecaresyourealonenoonecaresyourealonenoonecares_

He tried and failed to control his breathing. 

After about twenty minutes, the panic subsided. He took in a deep breath. 

 He finally managed to calm himself down.

He decided to try to go to sleep. 

He layed down, wandering what the person in the room next to him was doing.

Was it another suicide watch room? Or was it a normal person..

He ended up not sleeping that night. He looked out the window until a nurse came to get him up in the morning.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> take a shot everytime i say he  
> also i almost didnt put the 72 hour suicide watch but,, i had too soz  
> also, honestly, this fandom is so supportive even though its so small. im so suprised i jUst started writing a fic here.   
> honestly yall are so nice   
> oh, btw the way evan has panic attacks isnt how i have them. i decided to go for the cliche hyperventilating. mine are either spacing out, bursts of anger, or stuttering/talking really fast/stumbling over words


	3. I think I've met you before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Connor and Evan meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pretend sw is over  
> im too lazy to write the rest of it

Connor was finally getting out of suicide watch.

He didn't think he'd ever been this happy to go outside.

Well, he wasn't going outside exactly, but it was close enough.

He would be able to choose what he eats, what he wears, and who he talks to.

He was getting his clothes back!

The hospital pajamas were getting pretty uncomfortable.

He looked down at his wrists, noting that they hadn't completely healed yet.

The doctors said he'd need the stitches in for at least a week, maybe longer.

He was still staring at his arm when he heard a knock on the door.

His head snapped up, and he saw a nurse.

"Honey, it's time to go to your room." She said, giving him a weak smile.

He nodded, getting up.

The nurse walked him down another hall, opening a door.

He saw that there was two beds, but nobody on the other bed. He assumed someone else was coming in eventually, but he had no clue how long it'd be.

The nurse left, telling him she'd be back with his clothes.

Around five minutes later, the nurse came back with a duffel bag full of clothes.

He went into the small connected bathroom and changed into a pair of actually comfortable pajamas.

He saw that he had some stuff in the bag that wasn't clothes.

Things like his favorite book, a stuffed animal, a pair of (wireless) headphones, and a small ipod shuffle.

Great.

He put on the headphones, plugging it into the small ipod, and pressing play. 

He was didn't hear the door opening, so he was startled by a kid talking to him.

He looked up, seeing Evan Hansen.

Evan Hansen, the quiet kid who everyone made fun of.

Evan Hansen, who apparently had attempted suicide.

* * *

Evan was scared.

He was going to have to share a room with a stranger.

He was going to have to sleep in the same room as a stranger.

What if he had a nightmare or sleepwalked?

What if he snored?

He was still a bit sore from the fall.

He looked at his cast.

He wouldn't get it off for eight more weeks.

He snapped his head up when he heard the door open.

It was a friendly looking nurse, smiling at him.

"Honey, it's time for you to go to your room."

Right. 

He smiled back, albeit weakly.

She walked him to his room, opening the door when she got there.

He saw Connor Murphy on his bed.

He realized Connor hadn't heard him come in.

"Um, h-hi. M-my names um E-evan."

Connor looked over at him. 

"Connor." 

The nurse came in with Evan's bag, smiling. 

"I'll leave you boys to it, since you're both fresh out of suicide watch we need to keep the door open, but you can close it tomorrow" 

The nurse left right after saying this.

Evan grabbed some clothes, his tree pajamas, from his bag, going into the bathroom.

When he came out, Connor started talking to him.

"So, how did you attempt. I mean suicide, because the nurse said you were fresh out of suicide watch, and I am too." 

Connor said, looking down at the ground.

"Oh, I um I fell out of a tree. B-but on p-purpose. I let go."

Connor looked at him, suprised. 

"Geez dude, you get points for creativity."

He showed Evan his wrists.

"I slit my wrists. Ya know I cut the artery, so I should've died, but I guess I cant do that either."

Evan looked at him.

"I-I'm sorry, I- I know how you feel and it, it sucks. I w-was a park ranger, and I-i g-got knocked out, and I th-thought I was dead, u-until I woke up."

The pair talked until a nurse came to tell them it was group therapy time. 

Great. 

* * *

Group therapy was the worst part of Connor's experience.

He walked into the room with Evan, and immediately noticed everyone staring at them.

He also noticed most of the other people were younger than him.

He pulled his sleeves down, even though his stitches weren't showing.

The psychiatrist in charge of the meeting saw them, telling them to sit down.

They took two seats next to each other.

"Welcome to the morning group, today will be a get to know each other, because I see many new faces in the circle today. So we'll start off with our regular first thing, going around the circle, please state your name, age, and why you're here. You must state specifically why, for example don't just say 'Suicide attempt' say something specific"

Great.

"We'll start with this young lady next to me" The therapist said.

"Hi, my names Lilac, I'm 13, and I'm here for suicidal thoughts and actions that I told my therapist about." 

They continued around the circle.

Connor realized how barely any people there had the same problem. 

Sure, there were other suicidal people, but there was also drug addicts, alcoholics, bipolar people who haven't slept in a week, and a schitzophrenic kid who thought his mom wanted to kill him.

Eventually they got to Connor.

"I'm Connor, I'm 17, and I tried to kill myself by slitting my wrists."

He put his hand up in a wave, showing his stitches by accident.

"M-My name's E-evan. I'm 16, a-and I jumped off of a high s-surface to try and k-kill myself."

Connor noticed that Evan's speech seemed rehearsed, but he didn't mention it.

The eventually finished that excersise.

The therapist spoke again.

"Ok, so now we'll each go around and state one thing we like."

Most of them were interesting, like the person likes flowers or nighttime.

When it was Connor's turn, he hesitated.

"Um, I like drawing, I guess."

Evan went next.

"I like trees."

Connor realized how cute it was that Evan liked trees.

He zoned out for the rest of the meeting, talking when he was asked.

After, he and Evan went to the common room, and started talking to each other while drawing and using coloring pages.

They also talked to the other patients, getting to know them.

They made friends with a girl named Jamie, who was 15 and in the hospital for "being a danger to herself or others".

The trio talked for a while, eventually going to get lunch together.

Maybe, just maybe, this experience wont be so bad.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONNORS BEHAVIOUR IN THIS CHAPTER IS REALLY OOC  
> halfway through writing this i forgot how connor attempted rip  
> also when i got stitches (3 on my lip lmao) i only needed them in for 5 days so?? i looked it up and it says stitches on hands/arms is 5-10 days so i gave connor a week. idk 
> 
> also albeit was my winning spelling bee word in 5th grade  
> the reading lady pronounced it "i'll bite" and then all of the parents in the audience complained. it was lit
> 
> next chapter: emo™ And group therapy part 2 with the tree boys

**Author's Note:**

> wake me up inside  
> idk this is trash bYE  
> yo i swear this is the only chapter laid out like this, the others are better


End file.
